COUNTDOWN -- Commercial
'49 Hours to be exact'
Can't Wait! Supah!*
Para inspired tayo before the group dy.
Here is a blog entry submitted to me by one of our dearest dormers. Itago na lamang natin sya sa pangalang JUSTICIA BARRIOS II.[Haha! Talagang tinago di ba!? evil -kiddin'-laugh*]
I'm just so proud of this girl for staying charming in spite of all the odds.[smiles*]
I could see the diversity when it comes to the personalities naman kasi sa dorm, and talagang each one ha their own persona. Some, they still hide it, or maybe they're just not aware of it, but when the right time comes for sure they'll all bloom like a lovely flower in the wild. [hmmm... how was that?]
The Things We Lost To Love and Faith
I should have been happy this week. A lot of things and happenings had given me temporary joy. But that’s just it, TEMPORARY!
An elder friend once shared to me a story that had a moral attached to it. She said there were four things you could never take back: a stone thrown away, a time spent, a word that was spoken, and an opportunity not taken.
I just might have lost all of these in one day, and I can never take them back again. I’m always wishing I didn’t have to do the things I did. The things I’ve said are now part of my deepest regrets, the hurt they’ve caused that need not be the case if I knew the virtue of tolerance. I want to stop thinking I’m better than everybody else, because I know I’m not. I wish I could stop wishing to be the opposite of who I am, because no matter how much the world and circumstances would change, I’m still bound to be the same. Because that’s who I made myself out to be— someone incapable of change. Sure, I sometimes take the first step, an effort towards the process of making a better me. But not long after do I revert back to my old self again.
I no longer want to be the person I think I am. I want to know that I am capable of goodness, and that people would believe that too. Because that’s all I need, for people to take a look at me and never have to wonder who I am, or who I am pretending to be.
The more I seem to loathe others, the more I get hurt because all the things I say about them are just reflections of who I am. I tend to hurt people for all the unnecessary reasons, and I’d like to say I don’t mean it, but people never do things that are not embedded in their subconscious. I easily turn people away, and I am not on top of anybody’s list for anything. I may wear the bravest facade in a crowd, but I am a coward. I have so many what-could-have-beens, most of which I could have done something to make them happen. But I was busy pretending I could conquer the world, and that everything and everyone will just have to wait for me. Who was I kidding? I had the world at my feet temporarily, and it got into my head. And now that my time’s over, I still can’t adapt to the changes it brings. I still feel so self-important at times, and it gets in the way of how I am with people, or how I am with the simple things that bring happiness yet I chose to overlook.
I must be lucky some people stick with me, that I am not completely devoid of acquaintances; that I am still somehow tolerable to be with. Maybe people say bad things about me or talk behind my back or have negative impressions about me, but at least I haven’t personally heard or overheard any.
People say I am different. I would trade anything to be just like anybody else on a given day. I don’t want to be popular or great; I just want to be happy and contended. Somehow, I couldn’t find these things, and so I substitute happiness and contentment with temporary highs that greatness brings. And when I’m all drained and burned out, all that’s left is emptiness and loneliness. And then I start from scratch again, picking up the pieces from the last time I was shattered.
All I want is all that I don’t have. Not because they’re expensive or hard to come by. I just want someone who’d have me on their mind all the time. Someone who’d be excited to sit next to me in class. Someone who’d reveal a secret and say I’m the first to know. A beautiful picture that captures a beautiful moment. A secret feat I could be proud of. A best friend I could talk to anytime, anywhere. A place I could enter and say “I’m home”. Someone who’s always happy to see me. I need a warm hug, a kind word, a gentle touch, a modest recognition. Someone. Anyone.
I know my story is an overrated one. It’s been written and rewritten countless times. It’s the plot of the greatest self-pity story. It’s the soundtrack of a broken record. It’s the hymn of the misunderstood. It’s the lifeline of the half-dead. All these for a good reason. Because it can be anybody, a nobody. It could be the subplot of misery and hurt, or easily a reason for existence. Whatever it is or may be, we’re all bound to feel it. That darkness that creeps in unknowingly.
So here’s the choice: We stay in the dark or find the light. ‘Cause here’s what I’ve been told: “The darkness doesn’t have any answers. The thing they say about pain, hurt, and all that garbage being romantic and poetic? It’s just garbage and pain. And the day you think that love is overrated is the day that you’re wrong. And the only thing wrong with love and faith is to not have them.”
I want to grasp love of the purest, and immerse myself in the immensity of faith. I want to be at peace with my inner battles, the conflicts that arise from my troubled past. I want to feel safe and assured that I may not have everything I want but I have everything I need because I am capable of loving another human being, and that in return, I am worthy of their love too.
